>===== Original Message From moq_discuss@moq.org =====
>Rick:
> I think you've really taken Bowlby's work far out of its context.
Erin:
So sue me. No seriously, infant attachment studies and bowlby's attachment
studies are about the same phenonomenon. It is too bad we can't have a wire
mommy for a human infant (damn ethics board-just kidding)
RICK: Are you suggesting that romance is
>based on contact comfort and regular feeding?
ERIN: A way to a man's heart is through his stomach right? No seriously what I
am suggesting is that infant attachment is related to adult attachment. There
are hundreds of studies that show this, they have classified 4 or 5 types of
attachment styles. The correlation isn't perfect because you can change but it
is really reliable-- if you're infant attachment style is characterized as
being preoccupied, secure whatever than your adult relationships are
characterized as being preoccupied, secure, etc. So what I am saying your
romance STYLE has its roots in infancy. Maybe lovin' your momma and lovin'
your wife are not the same lovin' (argue with Freud about that) but your style
of lovin is the same.
(For anyone not familiar with these studies they just look at how an infant
responds to strangers, mom leaving the room, mom coming back, etc and then
follow-up on them years later and have them decribe their adult romance. There
is a really strong correlation between the two styles. )
>ERIN:
>So I think I agree with you if you are defining love as attachment...
>
>Rick:
> Love = Attachment?
ERIN: that was my technicality that i am not sure about and wanted to hear
what Bo explain why he said that. I always considered attachment, infant and
adult, as social but after reading Bo's email it makes me think about Bowlby's
attachment research, which is completely relevant, THEY ARE BOTH ATTACHMENT
STUDIES.
RICK: Kind of takes all the fun out of it, don't you
>think? I pity the fool who proposes with the line, "Oh baby, I'm so
>attached to you... let's get married."
ERIN: Well Mr. T I think this would work great with a lot people with
preoccupied attachment style. I think it is a line in 1 out 4 country songs
and would be classic in a codependent proposal.
RICK:And to think it's been suggested
>that romance is dead.... Sure 'love' has its biological meanings (ie. the
>way Phaedrus and Lila 'love' each other one night below deck)... but tis a
>cold-hearted cynic who claims it ends there.
ERIN: I find this warm fuzzy message of yours funny considering you wrote
"Truth is horrifying what is so beautiful about that" to my Keat's reference
of "Truth is beauty, truthbeauty" Anyways..mr. hallmark
I am saying I think it is rooted there. I don't think it makes me coldhearted.
Gary Zukav does a nice explanation about the problems of romantic love but is
one of the most warmhearted writers in this country. So romance love may be
based there but there is another love that may not but probably needs another
word so they don't get confused.. maybe quality.
lovin this quality attachment with ya,
Erin
'
Rob Brezsny's message today was to "only bit of astro-poeticism to remind you
to lust globally --make love locally."
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