From: Arlo J. Bensinger (ajb102@psu.edu)
Date: Mon Jul 12 2004 - 04:02:02 BST
Greeting Elizabeth,
> >ok i need a moral decision on this, my husband and i own a business it has
> >been very successful over the past year and i am miserable. i think and my
> >husband agrees that we should scale back and get to a place again that i
> >would recognize him in a police line up.
It is neither more moral to "earn more money" or "scale back". It is moral to
strike the balance you wish, recognizing that money should not be the only
thing you consider. This is just restating what I'm sure you'd say is obvious,
but I just want to be clear.
One step would be to re-evaluate your material accumulations, to determine what
is and what is not truly important to you. For example, if you have high car
payments (e.g. on a Lexus or Harley), would scaling back to a used Toyota or
Honda, if it meant more time together with family (less work or more money to
vacation) really negatively impact your life? Or is this material thing
something that you have been "advertised" into needing? (Before anyone thinks I
am suggesting everyone should get rid of their pricey cars, remember that I
just bought a Harley). Same with cable television (something I personally
jettisoned from my life, put the $80/mo into a travel fund and "live" rather
than "watch"... sorry, just giving an example). One thing you will find, I'm
sure, is that you'll find that many of your material "necessitites" may not be
"necesseties" at all, the consumerism of our culture just makes you feel that
way.
You may find that re-evaluating material accumulations alone may free you to
spend more time with your husband, or provide a greater amount of funds to
travel, dine out, romance, etc.
hypothesizing is great but in the
> >real world there are moral dilemmas that effect real people other than
> >myself I understand the dychotomy but its the age old problem of my needs
> >versus the common good.
Without details, of course, this is impossible to reply to. One thing I'd
suggest is really thinking of what the "effects" of scaling back on other
people would be. Would it be in your ability to provide large amounts of
material goods to someone (e.g. toys to kids)? Would there be a positive trade
off in turn (e.g. more time "with" mom despite less toys). Certainly there will
be some issues you'll find impossible to back off of, like maybe saving for
college expenses or retirement, but you might try sacrificing other things then
(like cable television ;-)) and still provide more time with your child(ren).
Of course, all this until now presumes your position is one where scaling back
does not interfere with your ability to afford housing, food, medical and other
necessities. If this is the case, you have a gut wrenching decision to be sure.
Best Wishes,
Arlo
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