From: Valuemetaphysics@aol.com
Date: Thu Jul 01 2004 - 15:28:01 BST
Dear forum,
Here is an edited copy of "SQ-SQ tension in Human relationships."
Date: 3/7/04 10:34:20 PM GMT Standard Time
with some additional comments and interspersed sections by Robert Pirsig from
ricks's post.
Dear forum,
I had to laugh. Visiting a male member of my family and his wife last week
made me think about SQ-SQ tension in Human relationships...
I wonder has anyone watched, How to murder your wife starring Jack Lemmon?
There is a scene in which Lemmon's boss is being kept in a perpetual state of
uncertainty by his wife at a party. The husband and wife relationship i visited
last week displayed the same patterns and it was only until then that i had
noticed. When i did notice this, i wondered why i had not seen it before?
I think the answer to that is twofold: First of all, i am not a keen observer
of Human relationships; they do not concern me very much. Secondly, we are
very often too close to see the wood for the trees? In this respect, a bit of
distance and a bit of removed contemplation can reveal things one may never
usually have tumbled?
Back to hubby and wife; the male in the relationship is kept in a perpetual
state of not quite knowing where he stands. Not only this, but he has no idea
other people are able to see this; his dancing about the place is hidden behind
behaviour he feels projects a sense of him being in control or in some way
considerate. But no matter how accommodating he tries to be, the intelligence of
his other half deftly keeps him unbalanced. When you see it, it is hilarious.
Later on, it may not seem so funny?
Pirsig:
For the traditional Catholic layman, morality is external.
For him the other-directed authoritarian system of his moral education has
become the pattern of his life, and we see in page after page his professed
love of, and obedience to, authority. He is a system player. That is how
he had to learn it. You love the system and the system loves you. Now the
system is failing and he is without a clue and in terror as to why this
should happen.
Mark 1-7-04: My male relative's morality is being provided by his wife, a
catholic. She avoids confrontation by perpetuating uncertainty as to that which
she really wants, while aiming at what she wants in resolution of uncertainty.
I feel the wife's strategy may be open to SQ-SQ interpretation. If we begin
with the assumption that there exists the potential for all patterns to attain
exceptional SQ-SQ coherence, then lesser degrees of coherence may be stable
and open to examination also.
So how do the people in the above relationship stand in SQ-SQ terms?
In order for a perpetual feeling of uncertainty to remain stable, i would
suggest there to be an exceptional balance between certainty and doubt which is
exploited as that precise point where manipulation of social and biological
patterns is most easily directed.
Pirsig:
Protestants, including his own wife, tend to take more heed of their own
consciences when coming to moral decisions.
If one balances a symmetrical 2 Ton, 10 feet long metal pipe precisely on its
mid point with a razor blade, one would have no trouble directing the mass
with one's little finger. Thus, large forces may be brought to bare with grace
and virtuosity.
In the social analogue of our inorganic mass, may not relationships settle in
a well balanced coherent state where DQ may be thought of as the pivotal
driving force between the sum total of patterns?
Mark 1-7-04: The male relative is more Dynamic and less open to imposed
social patterns than his wife. In order for his Dynamic self determination to be
coerced she performs a dance of certainty/uncertainty which he cannot pattern in
any meaningful way. More often than not, the male relative is lead to value
pleasing his wife as an indication of his love for her. Thus, her social
patterns are promoted and he feels he is doing the best thing as determined by his
own values.
This lead me to contemplate the roll of Human intelligence? For the most
part, manipulation required for perpetual uncertainty may not be hard wired and
instinctive. But over time, reflection upon patterns of instinctive social
patterns may produce a static repertoire of intellectual symbols of pragmatically
learned 'best results' which may allow intelligent enquiry into more
sophisticated shading of social strategies?
Thus, we may have here the beginnings of a method with which to explore
healthy relationships which evolve into ever more coherent states - the warm glow
of two partners sitting on a park bench saying nothing, but understanding
everything?
All the best,
Mark
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